Talk about a difficult topic. In all my years of dating and relationships and even marriage, I’ve never had to deal with a partner’s angry ex - until now. Suffice it to say that some of the behavior would not be out of place on a Jerry Springer episode (no, I was not the reason for their divorce - I came along years later). I have allowed their conflicts to create tremendous dis-ease for me, even leading me to put the relationship, which is otherwise quite extraordinary, on hold several times.
Recently, my teacher and inspiration Katherine Woodward Thomas helped me realize that I could look at this experience in a different way. I’m in the process of stepping into a new body of work, focused on life coaching and mediation in the field of interpersonal relationships. Katherine helped me see that this experience actually supported my ability to work with people who are in tremendous pain and conflict.
I became willing to welcome the experience (ugh). I even sent her an email telling her I had compassion for her and wished her the best (and meant it). Being so close to so much anger is still not easy. I still find my heart racing and my breath shallow, wondering what’s next. But I’m able to “be” with it more productively. My note, by the way, had no discernible, immediate effect on her. But its effect on me was profound. The "peace" is now more prevalent for me than the panic.
I'm sure some of you have your own stories?
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