At a loss for words

Anyone who knows me knows I'm seldom at a loss for words.  But when it comes to posting on this blog, I sometimes find myself with little to say.  Well, that's not true.  I have plenty to say, but I'm not willing to post it on a blog!  So maybe I should do just that.

I've spent the past year doing a course of transformation with about 60 amazing women from all over the country (and Japan) and a couple of wonderful teachers.  For much of the course, I dived in and really showed up.  We're coming to the end of our formal study, and I find myself retreating to my comfort zone of hiding out until I figure everything out.  So, here's the truth:

• I don't know what I'm going to do with my career.  Make movies?  Write?  Coach?  Get a "real" job?  I'm stymied, and the result is distinctly un-peaceful. 

• My significant other is deploying soon.  I'm proud of him and supportive, but I'm going to miss him.  In some ways, it feels like we've had so little time together.  And his situation with his ex of many years has been deteriorating and is coming to a crescendo.  Necessary but not peaceful.  

 So how can I make peace with these situations?  I think with the career, I have to "just do it," something, anything, push forward into a couple of different areas and see what "sticks."  I can't hide out and wait for inspiration.  I think moving forward will actually create more of a sense of peace, just be lessening the anxiety that's boiling just below the surface. If I apply Byron Katie's The Work, the truth is I don't need to know about my career because I don't yet.  If I didn't have the belief that I needed to know/decide, I would be peaceful or at least neutral.  The turnaround is I don't need to know/decide, until I do.  I need to be open and moving forward.

With my significant other, I think I just enjoy the time we do have together.  I think I need to "keep my eyes on my own paper" and let him deal with the drama in his family and speak my truth and love him and receive love from him. I have a belief that "we should all just get along."  The Work?  We should not all just get along, until we do.  I just need to give Ben's ex the freedom to be who she is and do what she's going to do and protect myself as and if appropriate.

I apologize if this post is too personal to really help you.  But I love the idea of this blog, and I am committed to writing here.  Today, I'm at a loss for words.  Maybe tomorrow, I'll have more to say.