Baby Steps

Not every resentment requires a confrontation for release.  I’m reminded of the 9th and 10th steps in the 12-step program.  In Step 9, we make a list of all those we have harmed and become WILLING to make amends to them.  The willingness is enough.  Step 10 tells us to make direct amends to such people except when doing so would injure them or others.   What I love about steps 9 and 10 are the concept of willingness (to atone, release, forgive, whatever) and the idea that we should only do so directly when it would not further harm anyone.

What do you think of this concept of willingness to forgive (drawn from the willingness to atone)?

Relationships With Our Dads

My dad died when I was 7, and my mom remarried when I was 9.  I hold a tremendous amount of resentment toward my stepfather, even though he and my mom divorced when I was a sophomore in college.  I have never even been willing to forgive him.  I’ve done enough work to know that this resentment harms me, not him.  That releasing him would release me to even deeper levels of bliss.  Could I send him an email or letter, call him?  And say what?  I’m willing to begin thinking about that.  I’m willing to begin thinking of how I would release this resentment.  That’s a step.  That’s enough.

I just wrote a little about Baby Steps and referenced Steps 9 and 10 of the 12-step program.  Now, be assured, I do not think I harmed my stepfather!  But I do want to explore whether there’s anything to be gained from talking to my him directly.  I suspect I’m not even on his radar screen.  “You forgive me?  For what?”  Honestly, I’m afraid of telling the truth, because he is the father of two of my brothers and the grandfather of four of my nephews and my only niece.  I don't want to harm them unnecessarily.

But releasing him within myself, releasing him to his God?  Maybe I can do that.