Friday, January 29, 2010

Loving What Is

Several months ago, my friend Laura gave me Byron Katie's book Loving What Is.  I'm just now sitting down to read/work it.  The basic idea seems to be that we create our own pain and misery by expecting/demanding/wanting/requiring that things be other than what they are.  Let's say I am angry and frustrated and disappointed because my boyfriend didn't call me when he said he would (again).  He should call me when he says he will!  Otherwise, I feel like I'm not important, not a priority.  Byron Katie asks me to ask myself 4 questions:

  1. Is it true that he should call when he says he will?  I would have said YES!
  2. Can I absolutely know it is true that he should call me?   But Katie says the answer is no and the way I know that is because that is what is so.  I know that it isn't true that he should call me because he didn't call me.
  3. How do I react when I believe the thought that he should call when he says he will and if he doesn't it means I'm not important?  It feels BAD.  I feel alone, sad.
  4. Who would I be without this thought?  I'd be more peaceful.
Then, we're supposed to do a "Turnaround."  For example:

An opposite statement:  I am important or He shouldn't call when he says he will unless he wants to.
Turning the thought to myself: I'm not important to me, I don't prioritize myself.
Turning the thought to the other person:  I don't do what I say I will.  When he doesn't call when he says he will, he's not important to me, I don't prioritize him.

So, what do I think about that?  The turnarounds that resonate with me are "he shouldn't call when he says he will unless he wants to," I'm not important (enough) to myself, I don't prioritize myself.

The learning seems (so far) to be that my boyfriend will and should do what he does (that's his business) and I should prioritize myself and honor my importance to myself (my business). 

Any thoughts?

1 comment:

  1. "My business", "his business", and "God's business" are the most brilliant pieces in the puzzle of living a peaceful life. When I stay with MY business and let the rest take care of itself, I am living my life and only MY Life. I am not concerned with the behavior of others, only my own. I am not upset or angry or out of sorts due to others. I feel empowered and centered. Truly brilliant.

    Not arguing about what should or shouldn't be or what should or shouldn't have happened makes me live in the Now that Eckhart Tolle so clearly explains in his writings.

    I love this Work that Byron Katie has codified. She also says that "victims are the most violent people". When we let go of the "should" of life, we stop acting the victim and can at last become peace.

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